(Source: squidyword)

themetaisawesome:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

penis-hilton:

same

I’m convinced that all these posts were made by Draco Malfoy

Ditto

(Source: micdotcom)

ostracizedpoodle:

no one actually masturbates it’s just a running joke and if you do you’re sick

Fifty Shades Of Grey - Trailer

Wow It’s mom, but I’m sleepy 

(Source: yotiechan)

sashayed:

silvermoon424:

poppypicklesticks:

billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro:

cosmicallycosmopolitan:

billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro:

james-winston:

The Titanoboa, is a 48ft long snake dating from around 60-58million years ago. It had a rib cage 2ft wide, allowing it to eat whole crocodiles, and surrounding the ribcage were muscles so powerful that it could crush a rhinoTitanoboa was so big it couldn’t even spend long amounts of time on land, because the force of gravity acting on it would cause it to suffocate under its own weight.

I’m so glad they aren’t around

omg me too. I’m scared enough of 26 ft long anacondas. I’m so happy Megalodons, those giant sharks, aren’t alive either

Praise natural selection

I remember watching Walking with Beasts or something similar, or some British tv show about evolution

The subject was something like a 12 foot long water scorpion

I was so startled by its sudden appearance and narration that I yelped: “12 fucking feet?!?!  I’m fucking glad it’s extinct!” 

Dude, prehistory was home to some fucking TERRIFYING creatures. For some reason, everything back then was enormous and scary. Extinction doesn’t always have to be a bad thing!

And Poppy, what you saw was an arthropod known as Pterygotus (it was actually featured in Walking With Monsters). Not only was it as big (or maybe even bigger) than your average human, it had a stinger the size of a lightbulb. REALLY glad that bugger isn’t around anymore.

Also, Megalodon deserves to be mention again, because just hearing its name makes me want to never be submerged in water ever again.

GOD, I HATE THIS POST. HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THAT SHIT ISN’T STILL AROUND? LURKING? EVOLVING? WE DON’T. WE DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHIT DOWN THERE. THE OCEAN IS A PRIMEVAL HELLSCAPE NIGHTMARE AND WE ALL JUST DIP OUR STUPID FRAGILE UNPROTECTED FETUS BODIES AROUND THE EDGES OF IT LIKE THAT’S NORMAL. FUCK THE OCEAN.

lifeisjustbe:

dlubes:

My sister and I used to get random “I love you” or “what’s up” text messages from our mom at like 3/4AM. We thought it was weird and funny because she goes to bed at like 10PM. So my sister asked my mom why that was and my mom responded, “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of you guys.”

Yes. This is the mother I want to be

chrihyonce:

nickelodeon:

David Beckham and his sons get GOLD slimed after he accepts the 2014 KCS GOLDEN blimp!

i bet this is the color of his sperm.

(Source: lolgifs.net)

rosswoodpark:

crusherccme:

found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom

"It takes too long"So does raising a fucking child

rosswoodpark:

crusherccme:

found this gem in the 1996 Cornell Women’s Handbook. it’s what to say when a guy tries to get out of using a condom

"It takes too long"
So does raising a fucking child